Bitter winter air, and a hot fire in my heart.

This is a picture I took on my way to Wyoming this summer.
I am starting to wonder why I try to love those who just throw that love back in my face time and time again, but I suppose I must continue on if I want to love unconditionally like Jesus has love me, right? It just is quite hard when you constantly do all you can to help, to love, to show the light of Christ to the lost, the ones you care so much about and the could care less. I just hope it makes some sort of an impact on their lives, I hope God will open up their eyes, and mine too! I just want to be way further transformed into who God is molding me to be, to be more like Jesus! Oh Lord continue to humble me, to show me, to teach me and train me! Rid me of myself and let the world see You when they look at me. Today has been an interesting and trying day. I am having a hard time trusting God on things He hasn't confirmed, if it's a 50/50, maybe only time will tell sort of thing, what if I invest so much into it now and it never comes to be or happens? I guess for now I'm trusting in His will and timing whether it comes to be or not, I just feel so unsteady not knowing. On another note; I love not being the typical average normal girl. Each day I enjoy finding areas where my heart is in Christ, where unlike many other girls certain parts of my heart which when theirs belong to themselves and the world, mine belongs to God. I am in awe of where God has taken me from, just how far I've come, but also looking at how far I still have to go! And I know were never going to be perfect, and that we never reach a level where we can say, "ah, I have finally arrived.." lol. I like and dislike working all at the same time, I'm so bi-polar when it comes to my job. I have changed so much from just a year and a half ago, it's absolutely crazy! But I love it, and I know God knows what He's doing, so I trust Him. I should do some more scrap-booking it's something I never thought I'd be into but turns out I am, but I just don't have time right now between work, family, school, youth group, church, worship team and girls group, but being thanksgiving week I have a very clear schedule so it will be nice to get some down time in. I love bedtime lol, it's nice to just shut down and rest. I really should pick my room up and organize some, it's getting cluttered bad time. So now the weather is getting very cold to when it snows instead of all melting, some sticks around. I really could use my snow tires asap, then I won't be dreading the snow as much. I wish I had what it took to write a good blog, but I just don't have it in me tonight, so I'll stick to this poorly done update/random blog. And that's about it for now so I'll leave you with some bible verses on my heart tonight.

(Isaiah 40:29-31) He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

(John 15:7) If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, you will ask whatever you desire, and it will be done for you.

(Psalms 119:105) Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path.

(Psalms 54:4) Behold, God is my helper. The Lord is the one who sustains my soul.

(I John 5:4) For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world: your faith.

brace yourself and dig in :) the heart of a girl opened and raw for you

Take me as I am. With every imperfection. Or don't take me at all. Either way I am still going to be me. Just a silly, slightly over emotional, passionate, flawed amazing girl. :) I love learning, growing and getting to know the people you thought you already knew. It has got to be like one of the most awesome experiences, it is unsure and uncertain, you are completely open and vulnerable! I love being imperfect, I love me. (take note that I said that) I love that I get sad, and mad that I hurt. I love how unstable my life is sometimes, because then I need someone and I can turn to God and say please take me and start molding me into what You want me to be, who I should be as a girl. Jesus come and invade my happy, confused, loving, awesome, fragile, broken, shaken, somewhat over emotional at times heart of mine!! So I'm just this girl, I happen to be madly in love with Jesus and I cry, have my share of bad days, I have problems too, I love laughing and squinting my eyes, I love the feel of a tear running down my face and how salty it tastes, I love when my hair falls the wrong way and the days when nothing seems to go right, I love how thats life! No pain is deep enough, no wound bad enough to make me fall out of love with Jesus. I love that He is perfect in my imperfections :) I love that I can smile. I dearly love those moments that I find it so vital to just put everything else aside just so I can sing to God. I love when I feel the urge to tell everyone absolutely everything that I am feeling at that very moment, and I love when I stop take a breath in and just smile and let God absorb how happy I am, or overwhelmed and sorrowful; sharing that intimate moment with Christ is what I live for, is what makes all the ups and downs of my roller coaster worth it! I am me, a fragile girl, but I am strong to. God defines me, but I let the mirror and this world get to my swollen heart. I shut my eyes tightly, clench my fist and scream; it exposes all of me, I am me standing before the most High God in a whirlwind of feelings, of sighs and groans and giggles. Timid fragile honestly, precious and rare. Fleeting. I breathe in deep, pause and hold it staying for a moment longer embraces whatever is flowing and rushing through my heart and mind at that second in time. Gone, on to whatever may come next! Exciting, exhilarating! I have to catch my breath. I love letting go and letting God intoxicate my soul and all I am, losing control and coming alive. I love being a city on a hill, I love when I glow. I love when someone I love hurts me. I love how I can't explain this at all, or why I feel this way. I love feeling so illuminated by God's passionate love pulsing through my veins, rushing and flying through my hair, flushing my face. I love how raw this writing is for me, holding nothing back. "The calmer of the sea here in this room with me, so gently welcoming the weakest things in me." oh wonderful love You died for me, the power of Your life is in me! I am not a normal girl, there are times when I look around and question why am I not with a guy, or out hanging with friends? Why am I sitting here singing to the King of kings, sharing a love lavished bliss with Him? Thats what makes me feel alive, that is who I am, I live for this, I love sacrificing so much of what the rest of this world is clinging to all for the One who gave it all for me! ahw, :) Father let your light shine down on me!!! Let it shine down on me, no matter what the day or night may bring. I love what God makes my heart. Everything I've done wrong fades when It's just me vulnerable, stripped, no masks in God's most Holy presence, it's real it's raw and uncut, it's everything I could want. It is incredible, and I have to get all of this out, so I can be me, be this girl and read it later and probably fall more in love with this amazing God that loves you! and me! I get scared and throw up walls, and I want people to actually want to take the time and work on taking them down. I love how it never goes as planned and most of the time I end up disappointed and hurt in tears back at the feet of my Father. I love these lyrics, story me and God:
When the day is done and there's no one else around, while I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head; You're all I need. There are a million voices calling out my name but You're the One I want to hear so make the others disappear. You are all I need when I'm surrounded, You are all I need if I'm by myself. You fill me when I'm empty, there is nothing else; You're all I need! When the morning comes
and Your mercy is renewed there's a fire in my bones. I'm not afraid to go alone, You're all I need. The sun on my face. I hear You whisper loud. You're still the God that opens seas, every flower, even me. You're all I need, You're all I need. I'm drawn to everything that You do, nothing compares with You :) I can keep going, and you guessed it, I love that! hahah, but I love that I as much as I want to continue pouring myself out, I am going to take a deep breath and smile, and let God comfort me and know that just because that I didn't turn this into a book doesn't mean the worlds crashing, silly girl :)