Random spilling of something!

Well, I'm super duper excited. Tonight I found out that Matthew for sure gets to come down here to Colorado in May! I am a bit overwhelmed thinking about all I want to do, which is a bit difficult not having money to do all these things. But I have to remember the important thing is that we get to spend time together, that tops all the other 'fun' things on my to do list. I am thrilled about this whole thing, especially him getting to meet my mom and sister along with all my friends too! :) Too bad a certain friend of mine won't come around and chooses to ignore me and do the opposite of what God wants her to do, love! Can't believe that was her way of 'ending' our friendship, by deleting me off of facebook and ignoring me, pretty childish and I'm sure she knows it is. It's always kind of sad when someone acts so crazy, rude, and hypocritical and ends a friendship and doesn't even have what it takes to tell you personally that they rather not be your friend. Owell, her loss not mine. But let's see, oooh graduation is creeping ever so much closer, I am so excited! like wow! I like the fact that all my work has to be turned in by the time Matthew gets here, just MORE time to spend with him!! Life is just going great, not to say that there aren't trials and hard things to deal with, actually I'm facing the hardest trials ever, but life is still going the best right now. ALL THANKS TO GOD! :) Oh how I adore Him, my Lord. If we win we praise Him, if we lose we praise Him! I see God doing a lot of crazy awesome things in my near and far future!

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4

The meaning here is, that we should seek our happiness in God - in His being, His perfections, His friendship, His love.

And He shall give thee the desires of thine heart - literally, the "askings," or the "requests" of thy heart. What you really "desire" will be granted to you. That is,

(a) the fact that you seek your happiness in Him will regulate your desires, so that you will be "disposed" to ask only those things which it will be proper for Him to grant; and

(b) the fact that you do find your happiness in Him will be a reason why He will grant your desires.

:)

The fact that a child loves his father, and finds his happiness in doing his will, will do much to regulate his own "wishes" or "desires," and will at the same thee be a reason why the father will be disposed to comply with his requests.

Update on my life :)

So much going on these days. Where do I start? Not much totally new, but then again that's a complete lie I guess. Well I'll start off with, God has been opening my eyes in a bunch of new ways lately this last 3 months, and it has been crazy! In such a good way, sure I've had my hard times and I fall short, I do have to die to flesh in order to please God and I have fallen short quite a few times these last few months, I mean we all do. But things God has been laying on my heart and revealing to me, is mind boggling. So crazy good! :) I had fallen into some ruts, and I had been praying about them tons and tons, and I hate to admit, because I am anti-guy, guys cannot equal anything good. But God just may think different ;) So all is fabulous in my relationship with God!! Now let’s see, I have been starting a healthier lifestyle. It’s just time for it, was time a long time ago, but hey.. better late than never I guess! I just needed to add more exercise, and sunlight ;), and a better eating diet with healthier foods and drinks. I have been a bit obsessed with certain things the last 5 months, but about a month ago I just let go. God had been calling me to just chill out and let go of things people and things, and focus more on Him and what I needed to be focusing on. So I finally did just what He asked of me :) I am finally graduating high school! Ahh, it’s nuts to think how long it has taken me to get to where I am now, but I am oh so incredibly glad to be here. I have been solidly stressed out the last 3 months, mainly because I’m cramming a whole year’s worth of school work into just under half a year. I am doing very well on school work, I am still a bit behind but things keep falling into place, tis been so lovely! It’s weird but God has been helping me left and right and you can totally see His beautiful hands at work in my situation right now. I can’t wait, 31 days until I am forever done with high school. Feels great so far! Alright, moving on to more new news. I had been chatting with this guy for a bit over a year now, and in December of 2010 things started falling together. It all started just me being bored, him being bored, not looking for anything but just finding each other in a chat room to cure our boredom and ended up talking with each other for a while. It had just been friends for the longest time, and then started into really good friends, yes just friends. Silly sounding, but we had liked each other almost right from the start (after getting to know each other’s personalities and whatnot) but we knew it didn’t need to go anywhere at that moment, as neither of us were looking for anything other than what we already had. And yes, I am aware that most people frown upon this kind of setting or story, and no It wasn’t an online dating setup or anything. It was just a random beginning of a friendship. Yes those are allowed! Yeah so it didn’t start the way I had really imagined it to, or maybe didn’t even start the way I would have liked it to have started. But it was what it was and is what it is, which a very, very good thing now, by the way! So with all our phone calls, texting, stickam, skyping we had really gotten to know each other pretty well. We had a good solid ‘’I’m always there for you no matter what’’ friendship. It does amaze me how video chatting, texting and calling is so much like the real deal, the only thing missing is actual human interaction, like hanging out. So anyways, back to December of 2010, we had started talking somewhere around January of 2010 and had really started wondering if there was something bigger in the midst of our friendship. And roughly a week after January of 2011, we had started getting serious, as in dedicating ourselves to each other in hopes that this might just be God’s will, which was a story of its own. Long distance things are just so weird, lol. So we had set plans that in the next month, February 2011, I would go out to Iowa and we would meet for the first time. He would have made the trip, but due to his work schedule it just worked better for me to do the traveling, considering I wasn’t employed. No this does not mean he isn’t a gentleman just because I did the driving, so if you’re thinking that, go right ahead and just get rid of those thoughts please. :) So that is just what happened, I got in my car and headed up that way. Talk about being so in shock that this was finally happening, he had to come drag me out of my car!! I sat there freaking out, ahahha! And to my shame and disappointment as well as many others, I must be completely honest. Yes I did stay at his house while I was up there, and I know, I know, that was not the right thing to do. But it happened and I can’t undo it, or I would.. trust me I would. And I have been so afraid of people jumping to conclusions about how horrible of a Christian I am and all those thoughts! We do make mistakes unfortunately, so before you hold my sins and wrong actions over my head please look at your past and know that we are ALL imperfect, which is why Jesus died for us, which is why His blood cleanses away our sin and stain! Things have happened that I wish I could undo, that I do regret, but I can’t change the past. I have to take it all, and do the best I can do with it, to give it over to God and let Him renew me and turn my mess into a masterpiece! I figure if God can turn a Saul into a Paul then He can make good things come from my mistakes. I was afraid that if and when people find certain things out that they will think that this relationship between this man and I isn’t God’s will, just because we have made mistakes. But news flash, just because God has something good setup doesn’t mean we will do it all right, we have free will, we have the choice to mess things up. But people will always think what they will until God shows them truth, even then they still will think what they please. But the thing is, is that no matter what people think or have to say, it doesn’t change what God has to say, or has said. Or just because people may treat me in a non-loving way, and may change who they are towards me will NOT change WHO GOD IS, yesterday, today and forever. Simple truth. I spent about a month and a half up there with him and now I am back home until the end of June when I head back up there to move in with his grandma, she is such a sweet loving Godly woman! :) I can’t wait! And he is planning to come down in May for a while for a visit. Which will be extremely wonderful and make the wait even more worth it. This time period away from each other is also God’s will, it’s been a great time for each of us to work through more things and get closer to God in order to make this relationship work. This is a Christian relationship which doesn’t mean were just dating like every other couple, it means we are looking into the long run and a future together growing in Christ together, helping each other learn how to die to flesh daily, how to love imperfect people unconditionally like Christ has loved us, how to live fully for God, how to do all we can and more to be totally pleasing to Him, to make everything about us 110% pleasing to our Lord, our lives, our words, our hearts, thoughts, actions, EVERYTHING! :D so were just taking it really slow, and making sure it is GOD before we make any moves in our relationship. But that’s about it for news, just taking it day at a time, living, loving and enjoying life, all glory for Christ. Currently my patience is being tested with this blind, partially deaf, stubborn dog. She is sucking up every fruit of the spirit I have, am, and will produce while she is still alive. Lol. I love how God is always speaking to us, always teaching us, we just have to learn how to listen! And respond!! Well, this is it for now.