If you are easily offended by blogs that are rants/and or full of venting, you may not want to read.

This situation is driving me nuts. I have a constant pounding headache and an ever lingering feeling of exhausting frustration. I feel as if I am literally going crazy. I have never seen someone act so, is there even a word to describe it? After the great chance you have been given, you act so disrespectful, rude, careless and have such a rotten, bad attitude? I hate having my stuff treated in such mistreated, sloppy, reckless, heedless way. I feel as if, how blessed are you to act in such a way and cause us two such grief and troubles. Okay, so they may have been nothing but accidents, but it's still costing him money that he doesn't need to be spending on your faults. This frustrates me like no other. It's like WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?? It's not your house so learn to abide by the homeowners rules or get out! How kind and gracious of him to reach out and do all this for you, so you might as well learn how to say thank you with your actions instead of constantly saying 'I could care less what you say or think, you're not right and you can't tell me anything, this is how it is and how I am, get over it. I'm going to do whatever I want.' It just seems so ungrateful and bratty to no end. How dare you bring people into someone else's home while they are away with the answer already being 'no, you can't have anyone over' ? What in your brain makes you think it's okay to do what you please? Satan? I just can't get over this.. maybe because I have to live with this.. if not daily, every other day. I'm going to lose it soon and it's only been three and a half days. God, please oh please work on my heart! I need to be shaped and molded.. I need to cool down.

I can't wait for Christmas!

Christmas is seriously the best time of the year! It's my favorite holiday, hands down. Tonight was nice. We held a dinner deal at Matt's house. :) I made dinner for everyone. I had fun. Oh the purpose of this blog is to tell you to go Google and type "let it snow." I love it. :) I can't wait for Christmas time, for the magical feeling. And even though it's not about presents at all, I'm excited to open all mine! I'm just excited for Christmas eve! :)

Go big or go home, right? :p

Not sure what's gotten into me lately. I have been terrible at wanting/lacking self-control in repaying evil for evil. That's not who I am at all. I have just been off for quite a while now. I need to really get to working on that. Oh! I'm so excited to get my actual Iowa license, this paper one is lame! Haha. I am glad to be really getting things done. I know God has some great plans for me, I just need to trust Him and obey Him and follow His word more. I don't think people realize that when they doubt me and talk about how I can't/won't be able to do this or that.. it just encourages me to do my absolute best even more so! Excuse me, but my God says that I can do ALL things through Him, and that He WILL strengthen me! I know things will all work out. Life isn't easy, never has been, never will be.. that doesn't mean it's not accomplishable. Just because someone struggles doesn't mean they won't succeed. Look at how many 'failures' all the major people who have succeeded have endured and gone through. Don't give up, never. Dream big, and do it with all your heart. Failure is not an option in my life, yes I will have 'failures' along the way, but what I mean is that ultimately failure is giving up, or not getting back up, failure isn't trial and error. That's life, that's learning, that's experience and growth. No matter what people say I'm still going to aim big and go for it. If I give all my very best and it's just not enough, then fine. But I will give my all and my very best and nothing less. :) On a side note, my arm is still sore from my shot. :( But on a awesome note, I am so happy to be getting all settled in, FINALLY. I'm now an official Iowa resident, and a lot of other awesome stuff has happened, but I will refrain from putting it on my blog.

Immature blog post. I know, but it's not like anyone reads this anyways.

Just move on already. How creepy and sad that you want to know all sorts of details. I guess some people like to sulk over what they've lost.. Haha like that one blog you made when you were depressed. Lots of your friends enjoyed reading that one that was shared. ;)

I'm so glad that he loves me so much. That's why he does these things for me, unlike you. You were just really self centered and selfish. You only ever cared about you and that changing doesn't look to promising. And unlike you, I love this man with all my heart and with everything in me! I treat him very well too. Because he deserves nothing but the very best and that's what I always try to give him. Sorry he didn't ever really care about you, maybe next time you're in a relationship you'll learn how to act, and treat someone. You wonder why you're so miserable. Yeah, you're miserable now reading this too. Sorry.

Love this joy and love.

Tis such a wonderful feeling, knowing without a doubt that you're unconditionally loved by the person you're with. It's great not having to worry about whether I'm 'enough' or if they are all mine. I love how much we trust each other with all of our hearts. How we want nothing but the very best for each other. I love how stable this relationship is, it's such a beautiful thing when two people truly love each other, I mean truly. Real love is something else, it's incredible. I love how any rough patch just strengthens this relationship and bonds us together even more so. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. :) He in all honesty, makes me the happiest girl ever. It's such a joyful thing being with the one you know God has planned for you. I have never been so in love in my life, and it is so much more then that too. It's this crazy God kind of love for him, I love this man with all my heart and more. I have been ever so blessed!

Oh for poor tortured bitter souls.. my heart goes forth; my prayers to thee.

You know, it breaks my heart to see such people exist in this world. No, wait, it breaks my heart to see how they act and to know that if they don't change that they've got such a thing coming to them. It's so sad that they don't care to change. Once they experience hell they will wish and be desperate as all get out to change and to come to God. Unfortunately it will be too late then. It really does break my heart to see some people be such cold, heartless, nasty, mean, hateful people and enjoy every second of it. Doesn't it ever get old? Don't you ever start to feel empty and lonely? Why do you think you are so much better then everyone else? Deep inside I know you are aching for something more, it's just that so many things have wounded you to such a degree that you just don't care anymore. These kind of people that just have no compassion whatsoever have been on my mind lately. I've been doing a bunch of praying for these broken hearts, sure they seem mean and tough, but it's really a broken, lonely, upset person. They still deserve love, and I will love them just as Jesus has loved me. I will not retaliate but love on them instead. Love in general.

I have no better name for this entry then this.

Yay! Matt had Wednesday and now today and tomorrow off. It's exciting to just have quite a bit of free time to do whatever we want to. :) Let the adventures begin.. or something like that, haha. The other day I picked up a bunch of applications and now I just have to finish filling them out and turn them all in. Despite all the ''good luck with getting a job in Newton'' phrases I've gotten I'm still very very hopeful! I know that everything will work out just fine, may not be easy, but it will all work out. So no fretting necessary. Anyways this has been a wonderful morning so far, but I should be getting off here so we can hurry up and leave. Hope everyone reading this has a great day today!

Sharing of a little something that has been tugging on my heart..

So I've really come to grasp and comprehend just how much work and effort you have to allot into relationships. I'm not gonna lie. I totally fell for the whole two christians that are meant to be together never struggle or go through hardships nor any bumps in the road in their relationship; if they're truly meant to be then it just works and clicks, no problem. That somehow, someway.. it was like effortless, that they never stepped on each other's toes, ruffled each other's feathers or had any real issues. I have always looked at different christian couples that are married and just thought wow, they seem perfect? Surely that can't be.. but yet I would look at them and feel that they had it easy because that relationship was God's will. (Which the whole "easy" thing, kinda makes sense now, how it doesn't really seem like all that much work and is totally worth it.. one word. Okay two: TRUE LOVE. LIke the God defined, unconditional love.) That philosophy and such outlook that I had has definitely gotten the best of me a few times while in my relationship with Matthew, my only real and serious relationship. It had me wondering at points if it was it, if he could really even be the one because neither Matt nor I are perfect.. I had my moments where satan seemed to get to me. For those who know me, you know my waiting story and how anti-guys I had always been, hahaha. :) I know that this relationship is supposed to be, I know that we are meant for each other. Yeah I know, people say that all the time just because they feel that way. Well I'll be the first to tell you, Matt as well, that I had tested it a million times in God's word, through endless prayer, just talking with God about it all and making sure that Matt was the one. We both did a heap of discerning and spirit checking, before making any decisions to start a relationship. And considering the distance between us, you could bet your tushy that we sure did some serious thinking and going to God about, through, with and for all of this. I guess the one important thing I want to say is that if you were perfect then you would never have any lessons to learn right? And none of us are so that means we all have a bunch of learning to do. Isn't that how we grow? We learn how to take our first step, then we start walking, we learn how talk and we start bonding, how to feed ourselves, we learn how to drive then get a car. My point with all this is that we have to learn, and you tell me that if you had everything easy that you would have still learned all the worthwhile lessons you have. I think we have to learn stuff through trials, through the things we don't think we should have to go through or deal with, you can't reap the harvest if you don't put in the sweat, blood and tears of the crop. (And yes, if you have never farmed that IS actually what goes into it, any blood born and raised farmer will let you know.) You can't reap the benefits or the rain and storm if it doesn't happen, no rainbow if you can endure the wind, rain, lightening, thunder and all that comes with it. Yes sometimes storms can cause damage, but there are always benefits from it, more good comes from the storm then you stop to consider. And how are you even going to grow the crops in the first place if you don't get any rain. I now strongly realize and understand that even though relationships have tough times does not mean it's not God's will, that it's not meant to be. For in our weakness He is strong, in our weakness we need God the most, and a lot of times we are most willing to listen and follow. In those times where we are weak, God gets to be strong and really gets to be glorified and gets to show off a little. ;) I so adore our God! He is so so good to us, isn't He!!?? :-D Even though tough spots come, I refuse to let it get the best of me, the best of this beautiful relationship with God and with my handsome love, Matthew! I'm only going to let it strengthen things. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1Corithians 13:4-8.

10/15/11

I haven't blogged on here in so long, that's probably because tumblr has got the most of me, haha. I really do need to start blogging more. It's just that a good old fashioned journal is just the way to go, that and you don't have to be careful about what you write in it, because no one else reads it. I'm excited for my car to finally get fixed soon enough. It's a pain not having it, but it's really not a big deal at all. I'm really enjoying things right now! :) I can't believe Matthew and I have been together officially for 8 monthss, crazy how time flys. I know they have been the absolute best 8 months of my life!! Life is just good, but this is all I have for now.

9/8/11 Life is crazy, love is worth it and linens smell good when they're clean!10:38pm

So earlier this evening around 6:30pm I went for a walk, I walked 1.6 miles. It was so nice out, I absolutely love going for evening walks, well walks anytime really. Then around 8:50pm I went to the track and ran again. I walked a lap then stretched then ran 10 laps, running the straights and speed walking the curves. It was so perfect, the moon is almost a full moon. I so enjoyed running tonight by moon light, beautiful weather too. Seriously, running with Jesus is the ultimate best; empowering, incredible, awesome, intense, refreshing, and energizing to say the least. He is definitely my strength! I am just joyful that this isn't a one time thing, but that this is becoming my new life style. I ran this morning too at 6am with Matthew. I really do love running, after a while I don't know how exactly to explain it but it's like you get a running high, a super burst of freaking awesomeness. Haha, it's way cool. I will run, I will push myself, I will push past what 'I can do' because Christ has told me I can do more, that I can to anything, all things through Him.. and best of all He will be my STRENGTH! Yes! Does it get better then that? Nah.. ;) I would love to become a runner. I have made a lot of healthy changes in my diet. I am excited to keep it up and see where I'm at a year from now! :) I am in the job app process right now, so I would love prayers from those reading and whatever you need prayer on just leave a comment or fb me. I will keep my blog updated on jobs and well my normal everything else. I am so happy right now in life, actually joyful is the word, happiness comes and goes.. but joy sustains through all. I think that's it for now.

9/8/11 Mini blog

I don't know why people try bringing others down, self centered much? Well yeah. It's like one of those 'get over yourself' kind of things. That's why I could care less what ignorant or foolish people do towards me or what they have to say about me. Hahaha, whatever floats your boat until judgement day.. o.O Well I'm out to go run, maybe I'll blog tonight or something.

New hair cut :)

8/31/11 Last night in CO

I am really enjoying this pampering stuff. Sister and I went and got our nails done, I love mine! They are so pretty. And today Mom and I went to the Springs and had our hair done. I took quite a bit off! It looks really good. I would post a picture but I'm going to surprise Matthew, after that I'll put one up. I love it a bunch, :D And today we all did facials and pedicures! I am so excited to see matthew soon. I leave Wednesday afternoon. I am pretty excited and really sad at the same time. I am going to miss a lot of people here, and these Colorado stars, better then any others, hands down. I am excited to take our mini vacation when I get back! I love traveling with him :) I am very excited for the wedding! It's going to be so fun. I need to get off here and finish gathering all my stuff up. That's it for now.

8/29/11 This will be the best day..

There is something magical about early mornings. I have always been more of a night person, not saying it's my preference, just have been since I was a baby. So much so that when my sister came along and slept through the night my mom thought there was really something wrong with her. Isn't that something else! Lol. But, back to the good feeling I get in the morning. I have never really had a bad memory that has taken place in the morning.. well besides everyday of my school life. :P It is associated with fond bits and pieces of my past! The lighting, the fresh crisp cool air, the smell, the new arisen hope I find just by breathing in! That is probably the hands down top thing I miss here, are the mornings, the crisp snappy cold air. Sure I may not like being cold, but it is just so pleasurable. Like the morning of the hot air balloon festival last year, Maisey and I went into town to Riverpoint and got delightful hot chai's and walked around and just enjoyed the brisk cold morning as the sun slowly crept out thawing the dewy frost and warming souls. I am excited today my awesome sister and I are going to get our nails done, it will be a first for us both. It will be very fun to pamper ourselves a bit, followed by some at home facials and foot soaks, and giggling and a good time too of course. ;) Yay for us! I'm really not the girl who blows money on silly things like this, but I figured it's my money and I'm here only for a few more days until who knows how long it will be until I see my sweet sister again.. so.. you only live once right. :D Well, time to get up and running.

8/24/11

Tonight was great! This evening we all met up at the church and went bowling. It was such a blast! It was cool, a bit into the first game and they turned of the main lights and had it all lit up and crazy colors, then later then did black light/glow bowling. I loved it, maybe because it was my first black light bowling that I remember. I was excited, I got a 128. Hahah, I know.. not too good at all, but no one else had even gotten to 100 so it was nice. It was wonderful getting with some of the youth and Warren along with Nate and just hanging out, I have really missed it. I can't believe how much everything has been changing, my life and all around. I'm excited for things to come though! The other day we went and played in the river. The river has gotten so low and it was so warm compared to the lake. The first two days we went to the lake and cliff jumped and swam, then the third day we walked around town and played and swam around in the river. I have yet to hang out with so many people before I leave! Ahhh! I feel like there's not enough time. I am so excited to go to yet another wedding on Sep. 2nd! It will be the third wedding I've been to this year. I have done SO MUCH traveling this summer, it's insane. It will be nice to settle down and get a job, and start that class :) I can't wait, and can all at the same time. I am so excited to get back to my darling Matthew, I'm having Matty withdrawals! But I am having the time of my life up here in Colorado. I am not sure if I'm looking forward to the drive home, only because then like a day later or something we will be doing more traveling over to WI. But I do love traveling, as long as I have my camera!! I love the color of polish on my toenails, dark purple, soooo pretty. I'm still debating as to whether I am going to have my hair done or not. I love my beautiful hair! It's so very long too, I've been growing it out for a while. I guess it actually didn't really take much time at all to grow so long, but I have no idea what I want done. I was thinking cutting a few inches off, layering it thinning it out a bit.. I have plenty to spare for sure, and getting lowlights and highlights put in. I am incredibly picky about who touches my hair, thus is why I have cut my own hair for years now, lol. I almost want some side swept bangs, I used to love having bangs but I have always wanted my hair to be all the same length again. We'll see what I decide. I may just do really nice lowlights. I also may go get my nails done. Which I'm not really the go get my hair and nails done kind of girl. I feel like it's too fake for me, I love being natural, but it's still fun every great once in a while to do it and be 'pampered' so to speak. Well that's all for now, so goodnight.

8/23/11 - Life is great! :)

The last two days us three girls went to lake heron! I love jumping off the cliffs into the water and swimming. I will forever love to swim. We are having such a blast just hanging out and doing all sorts of things. Sister did my makeup tonight, it was fun. We each compliment each other's humor so well. I may post pictures at some point just because. Momma and I are planning on having a girls day here soon, we might go get our hair done, do some shopping and go for lunch, I mean duh a girls favorite things to do :) Well, some anyways. I love the weather here. Well this is a short blog so see ya!

8/20/11 - Blog full of random odds and ends.

I'm laying on my bed listening to the rain pouring down, the thunder rolling mightily above. I close my eyes and take it all in. The window is open, letting in fresh air. I love that smell. I love this feeling it leaves me with, so natural, so familiar. The power just went out, random note. I am in back in Pagosa for the time being. I loved doing a surprise trip, I love peoples reactions when the realize I'm in town. :) The dog is freaking out so now he is laying with me all snuggled up. Anyways, I went to Kacey and Britton's wedding today, and it was so beautiful! I loved it, and enjoyed every second of it. It still blows my mind that she's married! But they were so meant to be, it's amazing. Sister and I went on a nice bike ride last night. I love riding bikes. It's almost scary how loud the thunder is, the crackling and booming, but I'm peacefully enjoying it right now. I'm enjoying being back a lot, but I am quite home sick. Never thought Iowa would feel so much like home. I miss my Matthew bunches, I really really wish he could have come with! I am enjoying having girl time and chatting constantly with my sister, I have missed her so much. As soon as I got here I think we talked for hours straight. The poor dog does NOT like this storm, lol. I have missed how well my hair does down here. I used to complain about this and that, but after living in Iowa I finally realize what a blessing Colorado weather is on my hair. Haha. I kind of really want to go out to dinner tonight, but I really rather save my money. Why spend money eating out when there is food in the house, that's how I see it. So maybe I'll dine in, make a yummy dinner and use candles, maybe even make a fort in my bedroom and make it some fancy french place! Ahh, I love using my imagination. I kind of can't wait to use it someday when I have kids. I have definitely missed Colorado, but strangely enough, not as much as I thought I would have. It's weird how much I've come to love Iowa. I think checking tomorrows weather and this weeks forecast and then a nap sound rather splendid.

8/16/11 God is good.. so good!

It's a beautiful thing to encounter the love of God! It's extraordinary, it's incredible, it's something that there just aren't enough words to describe it and the glory of it. I could just bask in His love forever more. Such a wonderful thing, end of story. Except the story goes on.. :) I am growing a lot closer to Him, the rough patch is starting to close up. The new, the fresh, the bold, the fire is becoming brighter. God has re-awoken my heart, He has made me new! Again, lol. I am falling in love with Him all over again. There has never been and never will be another to capture my heart like the Lord has, siiigh. :-D I'm excited to see how the next couple months go. Matthew, his mom and I are going to the fair tomorrow! I am so excited! It's going to be amazing, but then again it's always amazing hanging out with him. I just may be doing another blog tonight, or this morning if you want to get technical after I go for a run.

8/12/11- I'm starting to enjoy Iowa more and more.

Well on Wednesday the 10th Matthew and I got back from North Dakota. It was a blast, had a great trip. Dad and all the family really like Matthew, which makes me extremely happy. I already knew how to drive standard, but I wasn't really confident in it or the best, so Matt taught me how. Haha, it was stressful for me and I made it stressful for him. Teehee, oops! But soon I was getting very pro at it, well on level ground anyways. So on the trip home, back to Iowa I got to drive, until we got to Minot.. which is where we encountered an accident on a hill, so Matthew just had me pull onto another street and we swapped spots. I guess it wasn't ideal driving for a first timer, and I'll admit I was upset because I felt that I was ready, and I really wanted to deal with it, but I'm okay with getting more practice in first. I think I just may get a standard when I get another vehicle. I am finally starting to socialize more and more. I am just not the best at making new friends, people are picky and I don't know what to say all the time, which just makes me shy and awkward, and then I get nervous. Boo! But I am making a lot of progress, I think I'm getting more and more comfortable with who I am, and learning more about who I am and who God wants and is trying to transform me to be. :) I had such an incredible time at the state fair tonight! I went to see Casting Crowns and Sanctus Real! They are two of my most favorite bands ever. I loved the concert so much, and they did these super incredible, astonishing fireworks afterwards. It blew me away, I was in such awe and wonder. I am posting the video of them on fb sometime soon! I tried.. wait for it, waaaaait for it, FRIED OREOS! It was different, I guess it was just too much for my stomach though, too sweet and the fried stuff always upsets my tummy without fail. I rather eat a home grown carrot, now that is yummy goodness. I parked pretty far away too, so it was nice walking to and from the fair. I really enjoyed my walk at night back to my car, it was refreshing and relaxing. I had a wonderful night, God was all over my heart like no other! I really became desperate for all of Him, for what all of me; every inch of my body, every corner of my soul and every depth of my heart was longing, aching for, HIM! It was good, real good. I think it hit me hard, God just slammed open my heart and eyes when Mark Hall, the lead of Casting Crowns was speaking in between songs. Long story short, it lit the fire again, the fire that has been strangely dim for the last few months. I finally acquired the break through that I have been aching for, literally it seems. You know we always say, "Oh, what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves, to step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and He's holding out His hand. Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant, with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor, wishing they'd have had the strength to stand." Yet we don't realize that we say, "Oh what I WOULD DO, to have.." it's like saying we would do anything to have that faith, to have that strength, when Christ is saying, "HELLO, YOU CAN! YOU CAN! IT'S RIGHT HERE, NOW DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET IT! YOU CAN DO IT THROUGH ME, WITH ME, I'M ALL YOU NEED TO ABTAIN IT." I know, I just really realized that tonight. Why don't I actually put all I have into it, instead of half heartedly making attempt? Well, from now on, I'm going to do what the, oh what I would do, and actually get those things! God did not create me to sit back, to fear and fret, to stand in the way. I was created for so much more! and it's time I start doing something about it, to start living and I mean really living this way. I have a heaping pile of things to work on, and I know, I know, it will forever be a journey, but it's past due for me to start putting more legit effort into these things. Random thought, I am so happy that we shampooed the carpets, they look so much better then before. My relationship with Matthew teaches me something new everyday, I learn so much wisdom and life lessons from God through this, it amazes me. I am ever grateful and thankful without end for the chance to share experiences, tidbits and ends, memories and life, growing in Christ and pouring into each other, lending a helping hand and heart, uplifting, encouraging, showing each other what God's truth really is and means, learning, filling each other with scripture and goals, for the chance to do all that and much, much more! I am quite excited to go to ladies night tomorrow, dinner at Olive Garden. Good food (I hear, never have been there.), good people and God at our center, sounds like a recipe to an awesome evening! And I'm also profoundly excited to go to the fair on Sunday with Matthew!! We are seeing Tenth Avenue North that night! Yay! I absolutely, positively love them! So full of God! Well with all that said, I have some cleaning that needs to be tended to, and some picking up to do. So I should be getting off my laptop and getting my butt to work. I will be blogging more tomorrow, well that's the plan any who.

8/08/11 - New Blog :)

Well, Matthew and I are finally up in North Dakota right now! So glad it happened! We had planned on coming up in order for him to meet my dad and other family, and so far things have been wonderful! :) Things are going great, I have such a positive hope filled outlook on things, future, plans, God's doings, just life in general! I couldn't be more happy. I'm really excited for things to start shaping up and taking place. This trip has had some bumps along the way, but that is the way life goes, gotta love it! I really don't mind, life would actually suck more if it was all perfect. I love being up here seeing family. Matt and my dad have been getting along great, they chat bunches, genuine talk too. I was actually quite amazed how well they hit it off. I just love life right now even with the ridiculously hard parts, they just make ya or break ya.. and I'm not broken, so truth be told they are making me stronger; and better at life! I have been looking at what I want to do schooling for, but there are just so many things I want to go for, ahhh! I just don't know about all the time and money it will take, especially money! We were visiting my dad's sister n my cousins and her eldest daughter's bf came over, she was introducing us all and when it came Matt's turn my aunt introduced as my fiance. It was so funny, we all had a grand time! :) I love spending time with my family. I have actually really, really, really enjoyed spending time with both my dad and Matthew all together. I'd say Matthew fits in perfectly. Haha, my dog is sleeping and dreaming.. baring teeth and all, a nice short bit o entertainment for Matthew and I. I know, I know, matthew, matthew, matthew.. is that all she ever talks about? noooooooo, but what can I say, I was blessed with an absolutely wonderful, crazy incredible best friend and boyfriend! I can't wait to get a job and get some money. I have some money saved up but I think I will spend that grand and whatnot on a really nice camera, I've been dying to get a new one!! I love how exciting life is for me. It's amazing. I can't wait to see how much things have changed and what they are like months from now. I had a ton more to put in this blog but it's getting late and were on a decent day schedule right now, so I think I'm turning in for some sleep.

First update rambling from Iowa!

First blog in my new place I call home, Iowa. The weather is what I expected, hot and incredibly humid. I guess North Dakota has somewhat prepared me for this kind of weather, plus I did spend a year or so living in Texas. So it's not so new to me, but that doesn't mean I like it. I just don't like sweating haha, it doesn't feel all that lady like to me, but the human body is what it is and sweating is a natural occurrence. As odd as it is, I'd love to hear what other girls have to say about it and how this weather makes them feel. I love feeling fresh and clean and I guess it just doesn't exactly give me that fresh feeling, lol. And as much as it may freak some out, I love getting dirty and sweating too. It's taking some time adjusting to new faces, even though some aren't so new, they are still new. Not like all the familiar faces of those I have grown up with and grown so close with in Colorado. It is weird experiencing the whole being 'on my own' part of life. Matthew and I are aiming strongly at heading up to ND for a trip to see my family, and for him to meet them and dad, all that snazzy jazzy stuff. :) This is why I have not gotten a job yet, because I highly doubt I would be able to get the time off as well as Matt getting time off, which is hard enough on it's own. But I am quite excited to take my first road trip with him, and no, not a 3-4hr 'road trip' those can hardly be called a real trip. No offense to those whom think it is. Things at the house are coming along nicely! It is so nice to finally have all of a certain person's belongings out of the house. About time too. I mean really? How does it take someone 7 months to get piddly stuff out. Seems rather lazy to be honest, but life is life and I understand. Out with the old and in with the new! :D I have gotten some lovely decor for the house, candle setups and decor books, decorative glass bottles and such. It has really improved the look here, while it is still a tad messy and jumbled.. that is expected for having boxes of stuff, and trying to figure out where each things new place will be :P I love justing getting things to make it more of a home, while the main way I still believe is what you make it, the love and relationship and whatnot. I still like getting things like rugs, lamps, curtains, pretty little things, night stands, kitchen ware, new shower curtain and bath room set up. It will definitely have more zest and taste then before. I just actually want to put time, effort, money and heart into this house instead of just letting it sit and live in it. So far things are going great, but there have been and will be MANY, MANY struggles and pains, trials and troubles. That is completely expected in my book, it is life after all and Christ never said it would be easy. But with Him, we have all we need and more to do more then just 'get by' :D I am thinking about picking up some more plants for the house, and some wall decor as in picture frames.. like the cool ones that have multiple frames mounted together, just to bring some life to the house! :) Well this is it for now..

Random spilling of something!

Well, I'm super duper excited. Tonight I found out that Matthew for sure gets to come down here to Colorado in May! I am a bit overwhelmed thinking about all I want to do, which is a bit difficult not having money to do all these things. But I have to remember the important thing is that we get to spend time together, that tops all the other 'fun' things on my to do list. I am thrilled about this whole thing, especially him getting to meet my mom and sister along with all my friends too! :) Too bad a certain friend of mine won't come around and chooses to ignore me and do the opposite of what God wants her to do, love! Can't believe that was her way of 'ending' our friendship, by deleting me off of facebook and ignoring me, pretty childish and I'm sure she knows it is. It's always kind of sad when someone acts so crazy, rude, and hypocritical and ends a friendship and doesn't even have what it takes to tell you personally that they rather not be your friend. Owell, her loss not mine. But let's see, oooh graduation is creeping ever so much closer, I am so excited! like wow! I like the fact that all my work has to be turned in by the time Matthew gets here, just MORE time to spend with him!! Life is just going great, not to say that there aren't trials and hard things to deal with, actually I'm facing the hardest trials ever, but life is still going the best right now. ALL THANKS TO GOD! :) Oh how I adore Him, my Lord. If we win we praise Him, if we lose we praise Him! I see God doing a lot of crazy awesome things in my near and far future!

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4

The meaning here is, that we should seek our happiness in God - in His being, His perfections, His friendship, His love.

And He shall give thee the desires of thine heart - literally, the "askings," or the "requests" of thy heart. What you really "desire" will be granted to you. That is,

(a) the fact that you seek your happiness in Him will regulate your desires, so that you will be "disposed" to ask only those things which it will be proper for Him to grant; and

(b) the fact that you do find your happiness in Him will be a reason why He will grant your desires.

:)

The fact that a child loves his father, and finds his happiness in doing his will, will do much to regulate his own "wishes" or "desires," and will at the same thee be a reason why the father will be disposed to comply with his requests.

Update on my life :)

So much going on these days. Where do I start? Not much totally new, but then again that's a complete lie I guess. Well I'll start off with, God has been opening my eyes in a bunch of new ways lately this last 3 months, and it has been crazy! In such a good way, sure I've had my hard times and I fall short, I do have to die to flesh in order to please God and I have fallen short quite a few times these last few months, I mean we all do. But things God has been laying on my heart and revealing to me, is mind boggling. So crazy good! :) I had fallen into some ruts, and I had been praying about them tons and tons, and I hate to admit, because I am anti-guy, guys cannot equal anything good. But God just may think different ;) So all is fabulous in my relationship with God!! Now let’s see, I have been starting a healthier lifestyle. It’s just time for it, was time a long time ago, but hey.. better late than never I guess! I just needed to add more exercise, and sunlight ;), and a better eating diet with healthier foods and drinks. I have been a bit obsessed with certain things the last 5 months, but about a month ago I just let go. God had been calling me to just chill out and let go of things people and things, and focus more on Him and what I needed to be focusing on. So I finally did just what He asked of me :) I am finally graduating high school! Ahh, it’s nuts to think how long it has taken me to get to where I am now, but I am oh so incredibly glad to be here. I have been solidly stressed out the last 3 months, mainly because I’m cramming a whole year’s worth of school work into just under half a year. I am doing very well on school work, I am still a bit behind but things keep falling into place, tis been so lovely! It’s weird but God has been helping me left and right and you can totally see His beautiful hands at work in my situation right now. I can’t wait, 31 days until I am forever done with high school. Feels great so far! Alright, moving on to more new news. I had been chatting with this guy for a bit over a year now, and in December of 2010 things started falling together. It all started just me being bored, him being bored, not looking for anything but just finding each other in a chat room to cure our boredom and ended up talking with each other for a while. It had just been friends for the longest time, and then started into really good friends, yes just friends. Silly sounding, but we had liked each other almost right from the start (after getting to know each other’s personalities and whatnot) but we knew it didn’t need to go anywhere at that moment, as neither of us were looking for anything other than what we already had. And yes, I am aware that most people frown upon this kind of setting or story, and no It wasn’t an online dating setup or anything. It was just a random beginning of a friendship. Yes those are allowed! Yeah so it didn’t start the way I had really imagined it to, or maybe didn’t even start the way I would have liked it to have started. But it was what it was and is what it is, which a very, very good thing now, by the way! So with all our phone calls, texting, stickam, skyping we had really gotten to know each other pretty well. We had a good solid ‘’I’m always there for you no matter what’’ friendship. It does amaze me how video chatting, texting and calling is so much like the real deal, the only thing missing is actual human interaction, like hanging out. So anyways, back to December of 2010, we had started talking somewhere around January of 2010 and had really started wondering if there was something bigger in the midst of our friendship. And roughly a week after January of 2011, we had started getting serious, as in dedicating ourselves to each other in hopes that this might just be God’s will, which was a story of its own. Long distance things are just so weird, lol. So we had set plans that in the next month, February 2011, I would go out to Iowa and we would meet for the first time. He would have made the trip, but due to his work schedule it just worked better for me to do the traveling, considering I wasn’t employed. No this does not mean he isn’t a gentleman just because I did the driving, so if you’re thinking that, go right ahead and just get rid of those thoughts please. :) So that is just what happened, I got in my car and headed up that way. Talk about being so in shock that this was finally happening, he had to come drag me out of my car!! I sat there freaking out, ahahha! And to my shame and disappointment as well as many others, I must be completely honest. Yes I did stay at his house while I was up there, and I know, I know, that was not the right thing to do. But it happened and I can’t undo it, or I would.. trust me I would. And I have been so afraid of people jumping to conclusions about how horrible of a Christian I am and all those thoughts! We do make mistakes unfortunately, so before you hold my sins and wrong actions over my head please look at your past and know that we are ALL imperfect, which is why Jesus died for us, which is why His blood cleanses away our sin and stain! Things have happened that I wish I could undo, that I do regret, but I can’t change the past. I have to take it all, and do the best I can do with it, to give it over to God and let Him renew me and turn my mess into a masterpiece! I figure if God can turn a Saul into a Paul then He can make good things come from my mistakes. I was afraid that if and when people find certain things out that they will think that this relationship between this man and I isn’t God’s will, just because we have made mistakes. But news flash, just because God has something good setup doesn’t mean we will do it all right, we have free will, we have the choice to mess things up. But people will always think what they will until God shows them truth, even then they still will think what they please. But the thing is, is that no matter what people think or have to say, it doesn’t change what God has to say, or has said. Or just because people may treat me in a non-loving way, and may change who they are towards me will NOT change WHO GOD IS, yesterday, today and forever. Simple truth. I spent about a month and a half up there with him and now I am back home until the end of June when I head back up there to move in with his grandma, she is such a sweet loving Godly woman! :) I can’t wait! And he is planning to come down in May for a while for a visit. Which will be extremely wonderful and make the wait even more worth it. This time period away from each other is also God’s will, it’s been a great time for each of us to work through more things and get closer to God in order to make this relationship work. This is a Christian relationship which doesn’t mean were just dating like every other couple, it means we are looking into the long run and a future together growing in Christ together, helping each other learn how to die to flesh daily, how to love imperfect people unconditionally like Christ has loved us, how to live fully for God, how to do all we can and more to be totally pleasing to Him, to make everything about us 110% pleasing to our Lord, our lives, our words, our hearts, thoughts, actions, EVERYTHING! :D so were just taking it really slow, and making sure it is GOD before we make any moves in our relationship. But that’s about it for news, just taking it day at a time, living, loving and enjoying life, all glory for Christ. Currently my patience is being tested with this blind, partially deaf, stubborn dog. She is sucking up every fruit of the spirit I have, am, and will produce while she is still alive. Lol. I love how God is always speaking to us, always teaching us, we just have to learn how to listen! And respond!! Well, this is it for now.